When this site started out, it was really a very personal blog – a space for all my ruminations, intellectual masturbations, thoughts on family, motherhood, activities and photos with and of friends, short stories, and emotional creative output. It was basically a more permanent version of my Multiply site and a repository of my very personal blogs from Friendster written all the way back from 2005.
This was not meant to be a blog that was supposed to make an internet personality out of me, or make money for me, or a landing page for information the general public might find useful. I was into travel and sharing information for other travelers like me, so I put out a site specifically for that, onetravelstory.com. Maintaining two sites became too tedious though, that in the end, I merged both. And with the expansion of my interests, friends, and activities, this site became a catch-all for everything related to my own personal lifestyle; and subsequently, put me in that category. That being said, I have tried to avoid posting personal blogs. I have not written one, in my effort to avoid putting myself as the person that is me in the limelight, but instead, putting myself as a purveyor of useful information.
I have not written any personal blogs in a long time, but this is the day I will. Because I just need to.
I am at a crossroads of my life. Today is the day I move out of the house that in paper, fifty percent of which I own. Today is the day I officially begin a new chapter of my life.
Even though my heart is heavy, my mind brimming with thoughts, I have tried to exude positivity to each and every single individual I have met in the past weeks. I have tried to be as busy as I could just to keep my hours productively filled and keep myself from falling apart. I am building a new life, and wallowing in tears was not going to help me do that.
In the past weeks, I met a lot of new faces, made new friends, that knew nothing about me and what I have been going through and will. They did not have to know. But for those whom I have been friends with a long time, and know me and my story, they have known all along. They have been supportive through it all, and I cannot thank them enough.
I am going to need all the help I can get. I will appreciate all the support that I will be able to receive. And I will be as useful to these people in any capacity, because I, will be, grateful. So, I beg of you, please be kind.
I have worked so hard to get to this day, and yet, this is not the end. It is only the beginning and there is more hard work ahead of me. I am determined to build a new life, one that is healthy, one that is full, one that in all aspects would allow me to say, “I am content and happy.”
Twelve years of being together, on and off, in and out. We have made a life for two, and have built a family for three. We’ve grown old, out, far, together, apart. I know this is hard for the both of us, and we are dealing with the same heartache, in much different ways, because that’s just who and how we are.
And I will say this again, and again, and again, lest you forget, my dependable partner of twelve years and husband of six, “For the longest time, I could not leave, because I knew you needed me, and in that alone, I know that I must really love you. But apparently, my fear of you is greater than my love. And that is why, we cannot go on living like this for the rest of our lives.”
I love you. Yes, I do. But please, let us be strong, and let us be mature. And let us grow old and happy, even if apart.